Yesterday I received an R from an agent. I’m not at all upset about it. For one, this agent had this project (my last ms) under consideration for 11 months (all total…partial…to full) and I’d already ‘written it off’. And since, I’ve started focusing on my romantic suspense manuscript, I really feel like maybe this might be my nitch. So, I’m moving on.

However, it was a nice letter, and the agent said that my project was well written and had great potential, but the overall execution did not live up to the premise. Having distance from that project and insight gained while writing my romantic suspense, I have to agree.

I mentioned to my husband that I always seem to get R’s that basically say I have wonderful potential …. BUT. Which, of course, got me thinking. How can I cure myself of the ‘Buts’? Is it just that I have great ideas yet fail when it comes to plotting? I’ve always been a horrible plotter, so I can see that this is my downfall. I’ve been trying SO hard to make this romantic suspense plot a compelling, twisting, interesting one. And, I hope I’m succeeding.

Only time will tell if I’ve gotten rid of the Buts!

Yesterday I was outside with Daredevil. We were babysitting the neighbor’s toddler, so I was keeping an eye on the boy, when suddenly Daredevil says,

“I just wanted to see what was inside it.”

“Umm….inside what?”

“The roly poly bug.”

Okay, not good. “What did you do?”

“I tore it in half.”

Lovely.

“But I won’t do it again.”

Well, that’s good to know! :)

* * * * * *

And writing related:

Guess what I did? I decided to take the plunge and enter my first (fee) contest. The only contests I’ve partcipated in up to now is the Romance Diva’s We All Win contests. For me, I find it hard to justify shelling out money for contests, but when I saw that one of the RWA contests extended their deadline because they needed entries, and then saw that the final judge for the Romantic Suspense category is an editor for Random House (in fact, I think she’s Suzanne Brockmann’s editor), well, some little insane bugger in my head kept whispering, “do it”.

So, I asked my husband if I should enter, figuring he’d tell me it’s a complete waste of money, and thus, quell this overbearing urge to enter, but no, he says, “Sure. Go ahead.” So, if my entry ends up a complete and total failure, I’ll just blame him. :)

I just emailed my entry and I feel like I’m gonna hurl. I want so much to final because I’d LOVE to get feedback from such a great editor, but I’m trying to keep a lid on it, because part of me feels like I have about as much chance of finalling as winning the Publisher’s Clearinghouse sweepstakes.

I sure hope this feeling goes away! :???:

It’s funny how your children’s triumphs and mistakes can teach you things.

Daredevil has struggled with his handwriting the entire summer. We tried to work on it because I was determined that he’d at least be able to legibly write his name by the time he entered Kindergarten, but whenever I’d set him up at the table with paper and pen, I’d inevitably be met with a frustrating (for both him and me) meltdown.

So, yesterday afternoon, out of the blue, he picks up a pen that was lying on the table and says to me “I think I want to write something.” I go and get him a piece of notebook paper, figuring he’ll scribble something on the page and be done with it. To my amazement, he proceeds to write. his. name. I think I screamed “I’m so proud of you!”, because there it was, his name written perfectly between the lines just like was expected of him at school. It was a beautiful sight–I’m saving the paper. If you could only know what a contention handwriting has been, you’d completely understand.

It hit home something for me that I hadn’t really thought about until yesterday. The difference between ability and desire. For all his “I can’t, I can’t, I can’ts” and his “It’s too hard!”, it was never about his lack of ability to write his name. It was all about lack of desire. As soon as he wanted to do it, he penned his name like a pro, because his desire was strong.

A lot of writers have the ability to craft a good story, but lack the desire to put the time and dedication to “just do it”. I’m guilty of it. When I’ve had a rough day, and my motivation is next to nothing, I can’t summon the desire to write, and I’m forced to whine about how “I can’t do it !” “It’s too hard!”. But, these whines don’t come from that lack of ability, just lack of desire at that particular moment.

And, here’s where I learned something from watching my son: If I want to be successful as an author, it’s not enough to write only when I have the desire. What if the desire only strikes me once a month? Where’s the success in that?

No, to fulfill my dreams of publication, I have to write…to find that desire to write…through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Can I do it? I have no idea. But, here’s where I say, “I think I can” and give it my best shot. 

I’m glad this week is over. It’s been a long one. And, frankly, I have nothing cool to blog about, but figured that since it’s been a few days, I should probably post something.

So, here it is:

SOMETHING!
Cute, huh? Oh….well, one good piece of news that I haven’t mentioned — we got the loan to build our house! Yes! I can’t even tell you all how ecstatic I am that we’ll finally have a house to officially call OUR OWN. My husband will be working like crazy over the next few months, putting most of his time and energy into getting it done, and we’re hoping to be able to move in by early November. I can’t wait until we get to the stage where we can pick out cabinets and countertops and flooring and appliances…oh, my, I will actually have a dishwasher! Just the thought of it makes me want to cry. No more dish pan hands! :)

Okay, here’s a good example of why my 7-year-old son is called “Science Boy”.

So, I pick Science Boy up from school this afternoon and ask him how his day was. He says, “Good. We’re doing a science project.”

“Well, that’s cool,” I reply. “What is it on?”

He grins. “Meal worms!”

Me: “Um, eww.” 

Him: “Yeah, we each get to have two meal worms. I named one of mine ‘Lime’ and the other one ‘Surprise.’”

Me: “Cool. I think.”

Him: “And after we’re done, we can bring them home and I can keep them as a pet!”

Me: gag “I think I’d rather have a puppy.”

“good save, dumbshit.”

That’s what I’ve written today. Yep, I’m on a rooolllll. NOT.

I want to get this chapter done by tomorrow. I really do, but darn it, my heart feels heavy and my motivation is just zapped. How am I going to come close to finishing this ms by the end of the month if I can’t get the words out? Grr…

I’m really upset because Daredevil is already having issues at school, and it was only his second day. I have to go meet with his teacher after I pick Science-boy (formerly known as Dr. Science, who declared he was too young to be a Dr.) up from school. My stomach is in knots because I don’t know how to fix the issues he’s been having…..he’s been dealing with them for two years and they’re not getting better. It saddens me to know that he struggles. It hurts my heart when he says things like, “I didn’t have a very good day.” or “Will you still love me even if I didn’t have a good day?”

It’s hard to know what to do when you have one child who loves school and learning and is perfectly happy and one child who can’t stand going in the classroom and is perfectly miserable.   

So today was that all important first day of school for my boys. I don’t know why I always get so nervous every year when this day rolls around. I guess it’s because I just want my boys to be happy….and I worry about them feeling sad, anxious, bored…and all that.

Daredevil woke up this morning with a tummy ache, spurred on by anxiety about school, I think. He went straight to the bathroom and said, “I think I have to throw up.” He didn’t then, but after he tried (and failed) to eat some cereal and drink some juice, he did. He didn’t have a fever, and had been perfectly fine the night before…so I really think it was just stress. My husband reacts the same way to extreme stress.

Anyway, we get to the school and I park the van. I open the door and Daredevil says, “I don’t think I’m going to have a very good day. I’m going to throw up.” Poor guy! I told him everything was going to be alright, he’d do fine at school. We dropped Dr. Science off at his class…he was perfectly fine, then we went to Daredevil’s class. 

I stayed with him for a few minutes, doing some puzzles at his seat, but I knew that I needed to keep that time short if I want him to learn to handle being without me. I took out a piece of scrap paper I had in my purse and wrote, “I love you, Daredevil! Love, Mommy” on it. I showed it to him and asked him if he knew what it said. Then I told him what I wrote, folded it up and stuck it in his pocket. I said, “If you get anxious or lonely, just think about the paper in your pocket and know that mommy loves you and is thinking of you.”

He didn’t say much about it and then I hugged him, kissed him, and left….feeling as though my heart was going to be ripped out of my chest. When I picked him up, his teacher said he did fine. Yay! Then later in the afternoon we went back to school to pick up Dr. Science (who said he had a ‘great’ day). Back in the car Daredevil took out the scrap of paper showed it to Dr. Science and said, “Look what I’ve got.” I asked him if the note helped. And he said, “Yeah, it made me happy.” *sniff* How sweet!

Of course, then he was like, “Do I have school tomorrow?” And when I said yes, he frowned and said, “Aww, man!” :cool: 

First off, let me say that I’ve finally found some right-on-target blog nicknames for my boys. For my 5 year old, we’ve coined him “Daredevil” because he’s willing to try anything once, no matter how dangerous. For my 7 year old, we’ve found the perfect name in “Dr. Science” because he told us he wants to know everything about the world and become the smartest person of all time. So, henceforth and forevermore on this blog, my children will be known as Dr. Science and Daredevil.

Okay, now that that business is out of the way…

The boys have today and tomorrow left of summer vacation, then on Wednesday it’s back to school. I’m approaching this year with some trepidation. We found out last week that Daredevil got placed with the teacher we requested for him (which is the same kindergarten teacher that Dr. Science had). I think this will go a long way to making Daredevil less anxious and since I’m familiar with her and her teaching style, I think I’ll be able to make her aware of several issues that she’ll be dealing with in teaching him.

The sad news, is that Dr. Science didn’t get the first choice of teachers we requested for him. It wouldn’t seem like such a big deal, but we’ve been requesting the same teachers for him that his best bud’s (who he’s known since preschool) mom does and this will be the first year they will not be in the same class. (They had the same teacher for both kindergarten and first grade, but this year his friend was placed with our first choice of teachers and Dr. Science got our second choice). My husband talked to the principal to see if we could switch him, but he said that they really take a look at where the children are academically and try to find the best fit for them. The principal thought Dr. Science would be better in this other class. My only concern is that his teacher is new (it’s her first year teaching)….so, I guess that could be a good or bad thing.

Dr. Science is taking it like a man despite being disappointed. He said, “Well, I’ll still get to see him at recess.” (since all of the second grade has joint recess. Still, *sniff* it makes me sad. And a little bit worried about him “going it alone” this year. But, he’s always been extremely well liked by his classmates, so I know he’ll make new friends very easily.

And in other “final countdown” news:

I’m going to be pushing myself hard to finish my ms by the end of August. I’ve figured out that if I can do at least 6 pages a day, I should be just about done with it by Aug. 31st. I finished one of my chapters the other day and was so STOKED by the way it turned out better than expected. I’m hoping this energized feeling will stay with me as I complete the last 1/3 of the book.

And with that, I’d better get back to it… 

You can tell the summer is winding down when you resort to playing with bubbles for entertainment. Okay, not really. Bubbles are pretty cool anytime. I think I had more fun than they did.

And so, the countdown to school begins. One week….